confession of a girl in Ramadhan

assalamualaikum people,
it seems so unfair when i try to ignore this blog, and use the other one to express all my heartache and pain. like i am pretending that i am okay in fact i am not. well, who never do that? i guess everybody does it at least once. for all the suffering and tears that i bear all this time, i am not trying to put the blame on anyone shoulder. i should not and never do that. at least i know, even the littlest part there's my part to be blame. i have been through a lot of stressful moment, truthfully it happened since i lost my beloved and the only lovely mama. i don't know, i lost the one who i really depended on. the one who know to love me right even though i always be the one who made her cry. i lost my world, my everything. and what you guys expect me to be? a happy go lucky girl who make everyone in this world happy but inside her there's so much pain? i am not that strong. but well, at least i've tried that for 2 years maybe? tell me, who really care about your hurtful memories and painful moment in your life? everyone will pretend to care for at least 2 hours, listening to our saddest story ever. but it did not help us much right? that is why i rather choose to keep it to myself. and nobody care even my own flesh blood. i guess now you guys can see what is wrong with me and how pathetic i am. sigh. maybe it is because of this ramadhan. i love ramadhan, it make me feel so calm, so near to Him and my late mum, but it's the saddest month for me too, there's a lot of tears in this month and i feel really weak.